Blessing

I'm still carrying on with the Made eCourse.  Still up to date, although this week was hard.  We had to answer all sorts of questions for ourselves about ourselves.  Funnily the one about my skills and what I am good at was not a problem for me although others found that one difficult.  No, what I found difficult was the questions about our passions, about the things that excite or anger us.

I think I am still mask wearing a lot of the time because whenever I come to answer questions like this I don't know whether the things that come to mind are the real me or the answers I am giving because I think they are the acceptable ones.  Does that make sense?

So, the end of this week's class was to write a blessing over ourselves, and that's what I did, but I thought others might want to read this blessing over themselves too, so I am sharing.

May you know what it means to be loved.
May you know in the depths of your soul, the bravery of standing as who you are, the joy of removing that mask, the delight of tearing down those walls.
And yes, may you know too the fear that comes with that, for in knowing this fear and doing it anyway, we learn that we are loved.
May you know the fear of not being accepted, and step out anyway, because you know the One who ultimately accepts you.
May you know the fear of really being seen and step out into the light anyway, because you know the One who Is light.
May you know the anxiety that comes with trying something new, and try anyway because you know the one who promises to go with you.
May you know all these things because you began the journey of knowing what it means to be loved, a journey into the very heart of God.  A journey that begins with loving and accepting yourself.

~ Zoe Gregg
10th October 2013


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What Is or What is Not?

I am currently taking part in an online course for Christian creative people at Epiphany Art Studio.

The classes only began this week so you would not be too far behind if you joined us now.

I'll share a piece of art work I did in response to the first class later but for today I wanted to share my thoughts in response to a passage of scripture we were asked to consider.

A New Heaven and a New Earth?
No more sickness
No more sorrow
No more death
No more grieving

But this is not enough.  This alone can never adequately describe the new heaven and new earth.  How can you accurately describe something only by explaining what it is not, the things it has not and the things it will never be.

A football for instance, (in this case soccer, because I am a Brit after all) is not square, is not flat, is not hairy or tasty or best after midnight.  It doesn't have legs, or a nervous system and it will never be the best method of powering a spacecraft.

If you had never seen or heard of a football before (and possibly never seen any other ball for playing with) you would be very little wiser as to what a football actually was.

If I said this, however, you would understand much more.  A football is an inflated spherical object, made commonly of plastic, although in the past of leather.  It is used in a sport played by 2 teams who use their feet and occasionally their heads to propel the ball to the opposite end of the field of play and between two posts into an area known as the goal.

So, back to this new heaven and new earth.  What of it?  We have to use our imaginations a little and think on what else we know of God.

In the absence of sickness, there will be fullness, there will be well being, there will be health like we have never known.
In the absence of sorrow there will be joy that goes on and on forever but never gets boring or old, or normal.
In the absence of death there will be life to be lived, abundantly, enthusiastically, without question or hesitation.

We will be the bride adorned.  We will know what it means to be loved.  We will live in and be a beautiful city, a place of light and of Glory.


We, the bride?  The beautiful city?
How many of us when asked to describe ourselves, to talk about who we are and what we do will tend, at some point, to think of the things we are not, the things we don't have and the things we "could do better"?

I'm not saying give up trying.  I'm not saying settle for less than all you could be and just go with what you think you are now.  I'm not saying accept sin like a cloak that cannot be removed.

I'm suggesting, however, that we switch our focus for a while, from what we are not to what we are, from what we have not, to what we have and from what we cannot do to what we can.

Think on that for a while and I will return to it in the next few days.



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Audio of Yesterday's Story

Whether you read the piece of writing I shared yesterday or not, you should check out this audio of it.  Click on the link below the photo to listen.
The backing music is not mine, that came from a cd by Nancy Goudie.  But all the spoken word is me and written by me.

Those Feet - A Prodigal Returns

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Those Feet - The Prodigal Returns

Writing Inspired by The Prodigal Son by Rembrandt 

It was the dirt on his feet I remember.  The dirt ingrained so deep I couldn't imagine it ever coming clean.  The dirt that represented the anguish of his heart, his desperation to “come home”. Yes, it was the dirt on his feet I remember.

I didn't recognize him at first.  I mean, he’d been gone so long we thought he was dead.  But the master, he never gave up hoping, looking, watching for his son to return.  And then, there he was, the master I mean, off and running.  I’d never seen a Jewish master run before, and there he was, grabbing up his robes in his hands and running down the hill.  To whom?  To what?  Why was he running?  And then we saw him, this man that the master had obviously seen approaching, this dirty, unkempt man, who had obviously not been living well.  He looked like a slave, not even a household servant like us, just a slave. His skin burnt from working in the sun, and wearing filthy rags. The sandals on his feet had certainly seen better days, they were only just holding together.  And those feet, those dirty feet, yes, it was the dirt on his feet I remember.

Because as the master reached him he saw the master coming and he threw himself at the master’s feet, but the master had turned already to lead him up the hill toward the house.  And so as he knelt before the master, all I could see of him was his back and the soles of those feet.  That’s when I recognised him.  I KNEW those feet!  I had served this family for many years, I had been there the day this son was born, I had bathed his feet each day when he came in from playing as he grew and then from working in the fields with his Father.  If he cut his feet working in the rougher ground, I was the one who tended to his wounds.  I KNEW those feet.  Well, that and the fact that then I heard him . . .

“Father, forgive me.” It was an anguished cry, that obviously came from somewhere deep inside.  He wasn't going to be polite, he wasn't going to worry about who did or did not hear, all he wanted was to be allowed to come home. “I don’t deserve to be your son, make me one of your hired servants.”

He was asking to be one of us.  To live like this in the house of his father, to be ordered around by his family, and even by some of us?  How could he be willing to live like that, to accept that in the house where he had once been a son?  I didn't understand, and then I remembered his feet, the depth of dirt that was ingrained there spoke of many days walking home, without knowing what would await him.  He must have rehearsed this speech a thousand times.  I could not imagine what he had done while he was away, what he had been through, but I knew that even this, that he was proposing, must be far better than staying away. Or else, how could he suggest such a thing?

But the master did not wait, did not listen to his son’s protestations, maybe he didn't even hear them, because he grabbed his son by the hands, pulled him up to his feet, and he hugged him.  Another thing I don’t think I’d ever seen a Jewish master do before.  He hugged his son in full sight of anyone who cared to look. In full sight of neighbours, family, friends and servants. 

He brought him into the house and pretty soon we were all busy running around bringing things.  Clothes.  Not just clean clothes, but the best clothes, the sygnet ring that signified authority within the household, the fatted calf for a feast.  And then, as the others ran around preparing meat and bread and all the other food for the feast, the master called to me “The sandals, go fetch the sandals, the best ones from my room.”

So I fetched the sandals and I knelt before him as he had knelt before the master, and I took a bowl of water and a cloth and I bathed those feet again, and slipped on the sandals his father had kept specially, and I swore to myself that I would always remember those feet, those dirty, filthy feet.

.

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Day 6 - The Conclusion of The Journey

And so we reach the final stage of our journey.  From thankfulness, through hope and faith to advent, and anticipation.  Mary stayed with Elizabeth for 3 months then went home just before John was born.   But not before singing her song of praise.  

Luke 1:46-55 

And Mary said,

I’m bursting with God-news;
    I’m dancing the song of my Saviour God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened—
    I’m the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
    the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
His mercy flows in wave after wave
    on those who are in awe before him.
He bared his arm and showed his strength,
    scattered the bluffing braggarts.
He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
    pulled victims out of the mud.
The starving poor sat down to a banquet;
    the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel;
    he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
It’s exactly what he promised,
    beginning with Abraham and right up to now.

She declared his promises, that the hope of his people had not been in vain, that finally God had come in answer to their prayers, in response to their hope.

So Mary returned home and her waiting continued.  And that’s where we find ourselves today, the beginning of advent and a time of waiting.  Mary waited for the birth of her son, for the birth of her saviour, and in echoing her waiting in the time of advent we wait for his return.

And so I’ll end my days of daily notes with some words from a good friend of mine.

Have you stopped lately? Have you stopped to look awestruck on the fullness of the possibility of that one lonely, dirty, terrifying night in the life of an exhausted, disreputable girl-woman, saviour-mother? In the angry squall of newborn saviour babe, in the rapturous song of stars and heavenly host crying, “Glory!” ? The hard truth is that if you want to find time to ponder the miraculous, you must carve it painstakingly out of too-short hours and too-full calendars because left to itself, the miracle will not force itself upon you. It waits; it yearns for the quiet, softness of a heart that has paused, despite all that may war for its attention, to feel the pull of love. It wants to enter in to eyes wide with innocent wonder once again, to pull back that veil of jaded maturity and caress the unblemished cheek of a child reborn. It whispers soft under commercials, and department store jingles and even under Sunday church music, praying all the while that you will catch it, if only for a moment, and be caught up in its angelic strain. We’re entering into the season of advent, a beautiful, fleeting, pregnant pause in the chaos of a broken world. He’s calling, calling our hearts to quiet, calling our minds to still, calling our joy to awaken. He’s calling.

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Day 5 of The Journey

Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we HOPE for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Have you ever hoped for something for years and years and never seen it come to pass?  Have you ever given up hope and walked away?  Even on things you had believed with all your heart were promises from God?

Elizabeth and Zechariah must have felt like giving up hope. 

Luke 1:5 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. ⁶ Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. ⁷ But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.

Being childless back then was a big deal.  Zechariah and Elizabeth had not chosen this path, and yet, here they were, all these years later, now old, and still no child.  I wonder if they still had hope.  I wonder if they had given up hoping.

But God sent an angel with a message and Elizabeth conceived in her old age.  And 6 months later Mary came to visit.  Her much younger relative, and here she was, pregnant as well. 

⁴² Then in a loud voice Elizabeth said to Mary:

God has blessed you more than any other woman! He has also blessed the child you will have. ⁴³ Why should the mother of my Lord come to me? ⁴⁴ As soon as I heard your greeting, my baby became happy and moved within me. ⁴⁵ The Lord has blessed you because you believed that he will keep his promise.

Do you have promises from God you are believing for?  Would circumstances try and tell you those promises are lies?  Do you STILL believe in those promises?  Then take assurance from Elizabeth’s words to Mary: “The Lord has blessed you because you believed that He will keep His promise.” 

I don’t know if you will see your promises fulfilled in this lifetime but I know that the Lord will bless you for believing.  Be blessed!

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Day 4 of The Journey

Have you ever typed the word Hope into a bible search engine?  Over 2 pages of results in the book of Psalms alone!  I'm going to jump past Psalms a bit though today and onto Isaiah chapter 40.  Parts of this chapter were verses I clung on to for many years as a “life verse”.  Today we’re going to the very end of the chapter,

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Run and not grow weary?  Walk and not faint?  Hmmmmmm?  Most of you will know that I have a condition called sleep apnoea.  Untreated sleep apnoea results in extreme daytime tiredness.  In the months leading up to my diagnosis and then treatment I was SO tired I was taking 3 or 4 hour naps each afternoon and still could not function normally.  For sleep apnoea sufferers and people with certain other medical conditions, verses like this sometimes seem like a distant dream. 

For people facing tough situations and life experiences I am sure it is the same. 

But God HAS promised.   He knows that we will face situations that bring us to our knees “Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;”.  He knows that and he has promised a solution “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”

Are you tired?  Are you weary?  God has promised he WILL renew your strength if you will HOPE in him. 

So, what does it mean to Hope? One dictionary defines it as A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

Confident Expectation of its fulfilment.  Hmmm, kind of reminds me of Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we HOPE for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Faith is the key to seeing our hopes fulfilled, it is what gives us that confident expectation.

Singing in the Night, Dancing in the Dark, Sunbathing in the Rain. 
It's about turning your face to heaven and believing that the drops that fall on it are heavens rain.
It's about standing in the face of circumstances that say otherwise and choosing to believe God's best.

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Day 3 of The Journey

Yesterday I left you with the idea of letting go of things, even possibly good things, being part of thankfulness.  How do we get from there to Advent?  We go via hope.

And we do that by going back to the last supper.

Matthew 26:26 While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”

Jesus knew what was coming.  He had just talked to them about one of them betraying him.  He knew without a doubt how and where that evening’s events would end, what he would have to give up, what he would have to give.  And yet he gave thanks. For what?  When He broke bread, He introduced the idea of the bread representing His body that would be broken that very night.  Knowing what was coming, He gave thanks even for that.

He went on to share the wine with them.

²⁷ Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. ²⁸ This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ²⁹ I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.

“When I drink it again WITH YOU IN MY FATHER’S KINGDOM!”  The ultimate HOPE, that one day we will see Jesus face to face!  Because of what He did, because of what He gave thanks for.  Because ahead of time, even knowing it was coming he gave thanks.  He knew he would see them again, he knew they would be with him in heaven and we can have that very same hope.  ONE DAY, one gloriously beautiful day, we will see him face to face.  And nothing else will matter, because being with Him will be everything.

That doesn’t mean the only thing we can hope in and for has to wait until then, but it is the biggy, the ultimate hope, without which our other hopes don’t even get started.  If we accept Jesus, we have the ultimate hope and from that our other hopes come.  More on that tomorrow.

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Day 2 of The Journey

Yesterday we read from Leviticus 7:11-17

Today I want to glance at verses 12 – 14 in particular,

¹² If you offer it to give thanks, you must offer some bread together with it. Use the finest flour to make three kinds of bread without yeast—two in the form of loaves mixed with olive oil and one in the form of thin wafers brushed with oil. ¹³ You must also make some bread with yeast.¹⁴ Give me one loaf or wafer from each of these four kinds of bread, after which they will belong to the priest who splattered the blood against the bronze altar.

Thanksgiving offerings required something extra, something the other freewill offerings did not require.  They required the addition of bread.

Think for a moment about whenever you read of Jesus breaking bread.  Whether it be to feed the 5000, or to share the last supper with his disciples, we see the breaking of the bread coming with thanks. 

Mark 6:41 Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to distribute to the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. 

Matthew 26:26 While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”

And yes, there is something to be said for giving thanks at mealtimes, whether you call is saying “grace” or by some other name, but I think there is more to this than that.  I think thankfulness, particularly in the tough times, costs us something.  It can mean letting go of what has been, what might have been, what could be, not trying to continue or replicate that in our own strength and looking for where God is at work in the here and now, today.

While doing some reading online today in preparation for these notes I came across some lyrics from an Avalon song:

The dreams I dream for you, are deeper than the ones you're clinging to. 

More precious than the finest things you do, and truer than the treasure you pursue. 

Let the old dreams die, like stars that fade from view.

Then take the cup I offer, and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you.  

Sometimes being thankful means letting go, because only then can God move in and begin the next part of our story, only then can we take the next step on the journey. 

I had to do this recently myself as God asked me to step aside from something I love dearly, something I have done for over 15 years and have seen as my calling, even part of my identity.  The words God used were “I have so much I want to give you right now, but I can’t because your hands are full”. 

Is there something that while good and positive and something you give thanks for on a regular basis that he might be asking you to set aside?  It probably won’t be a big huge thing, and I doubt this applies to everyone, but is there something?  As you give thanks today, what needs to be broken, so God can give you more?

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A Journey from Thanksgiving to Advent. From Thankfulness to Hope and Anticipation.

Yes, I know it's been a while.  Life got incredibly chaotic with my Father's illness progressing and just the whole autumn term madness.  Our church leader began writing some very short daily bible notes for the church email list and asked others to take a turn in writing a set.  I jumped in and did so.  It was an interesting process as when I first approached it I ummed and ahhed and procrastinated  "So, do I take a section of bible text and work through it, or do I take a theme and work through that?"  "Oh I don't know, what would you want me to do Lord."  And I got the distinct impression that the Lord clearly said "I am NOT going to hold your hand through this, you make the decision.  Yes, of course I want you to do the work to make sure you get it right, do the study, but I am not going to tell you every step of the way what to do, you are old enough to do this yourself."  OUCH!  But a good ouch, because I needed that.

Anyway, that's the reason you're reading this out of schedule with when it was written for.  I couldn't put them here on my blog until I knew they had been read on the church email list.  I needed to let them read them first.  That finished last week and so here they are, for your reading pleasure.

DAY 1

At the time I am writing this, last week saw the celebration of Thanksgiving in America.  This coming Sunday sees the start of advent.  I've been thinking about how the two are connected and want to share that journey with you this week.  So, although advent will have started and may even be over by the time you read these, please come with me on a journey from Thanksgiving to Advent, from Thankfulness to Hope and Anticipation.

The first time we see giving thanks or being thankful mentioned in the bible is in Leviticus when the instructions for the various sacrifices are being given.

 

Leviticus 7:11-17

Sacrifices To Ask the Lord’s Blessing

The Lord said:

¹¹ Here are the instructions for offering a sacrifice to ask my blessing: ¹² If you offer it to give thanks, you must offer some bread together with it. Use the finest flour to make three kinds of bread without yeast—two in the form of loaves mixed with olive oil and one in the form of thin wafers brushed with oil. ¹³ You must also make some bread with yeast.¹⁴ Give me one loaf or wafer from each of these four kinds of bread, after which they will belong to the priest who splattered the blood against the bronze altar.

¹⁵ When you offer an animal to ask a blessing from me or to thank me, the meat belongs to you, but it must be eaten the same day. ¹⁶ It is different with the sacrifices you offer when you make me a promise or voluntarily give me something. The meat from those sacrifices may be kept and eaten the next day, 

The thing that strikes me most about this is that it has to be eaten that day.  The other sacrifices, the ones to fulfil a promise to God or just giving freely to God can be kept over to a 2^ndday.  Offerings of thanks had to be eaten that day!

Thankfulness is meant to be a frequent thing, even a daily thing.

Over the last few years I have been part of a large group of people who have tried to keep a thankfulness list online. In the beginning it started with one woman trying to get up to 1000 gifts and eventually resulted in the book 1000 gifts as she recounts her journey into thankfulness through often difficult circumstances. (Obviously most of my blog readers will know the blog and book of which I speak, but people at church would not)

I have found that the practise of thankfulness draws me to God, draws me to see His hand at work, even when it might not seem to be to human eyes.

I know for a lot of people at the moment things are tough, circumstances and situations would shout to us “What on earth do you have to be thankful for?”  Maybe, just maybe, there is something you can be thankful for today.  I’m not suggesting you be thankful for the tough stuff, although that is OK, just start small.  You don’t have to aim for a big number like 1000, you don’t even have to make a list at all, you can start with just one thing.  What are you thankful for today?

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Prodigal's Lament

I have been doing an online course called "Unlocking the Heart of The Artist" and this si one of my recent pieces of work for that course.

Prodigal’s Lament

I want to,

But I can’t,

To Go back,

To beg Him to allow me to stay.

But who am I?

What am I?

The one who walked away.

I regret,

Every day,

That decision I made.

I rue,

Every moment,

Of letting that relationship slide.

I want to,

But I can’t,

To see him again,

To know that look of love.

But He will see me,

And He will know,

Every moment I have lived apart from Him.

None of it was hidden From His eyes.

He will see me,

And He will know,

Every piece of my heart that was given away,

Every idol that took His place.

He will see and he will know

And THAT,

I cannot bear.

If he rejects me?

Fine

Turns me away?

OK

If he’s angry, I deserve it.

But to live with His disappointment . .

Burning in my heart . . .

THAT, above all else, I could not bear,

And that is why I CANNOT go home.

© 2012, Zoe Gregg (Aisling Beatha). All rights reserved.

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Made for Relationship

This article was written in April 2009 in response to something written by my friend Dana.  In that post she talked about the fact that we as Christians are all called to live in community, not just so we can impact the world, but for own betterment. Things have changed for me since this post was written and not only are my husband and I now in a small group again but we are leading it, and other situations mentioned have also changed, relationships are stronger in some ways. However I think the main point of this article still stands, We are a People Made For Relationship: 


 I quote: " As much as God works in us to transform us from the inside out, He gave us something more to refine us. He gave us each other. The community of Christ is meant to be a tool not only as the hands and feet of Christ to the world, but for the betterment of each other through shared lives, shared work, shared struggles and shared encouragement." 


She obviously had no idea how timely this post would be for me. 
I have really been struggling with the whole relationships issue over recent months. 
Because of various things that happened, hubby and I found ourselves still in the same church but not in a small group. We do go to a soaking group most weeks, but lets be honest, that involves maybe 15 - 20 minutes of relationship building and then the rest of the night is spent sleeping, (well not necessarily sleeping, but it's interaction direct with Father rather than with each other). I LOVE soaking, I adore it, but I need something more. I need relationship. 
I am not blaming anyone at our church for the situation in which we find ourselves, it is not down to people, it is down to circumstances that have arisen. 


Over the last couple of months I have begun to understand and to formulate in my head why this is so important to me, and why I am feeling so lost without it. I had already come to the realisation that a big part of it was about encouragement. I know one of the things I am called to do is to encourage people, I LOVE doing it, but unless you know people, unless you're aware of what's going on in their lives, that becomes a difficult thing to do well. I also was aware that I NEED encouragement. When I am facing struggles, when I am facing challenges, doubts, issues of sin even, I need encouragement, I need someone who sees what is happening in my life and says "Come on, you CAN DO IT!" 


Then, on Sunday morning, before I read Dana's post, I came to a further realisation about my need for relationship. 
On Sunday, we had baptisms. 5 people making that public declaration of their relationship with Jesus! AWESOME morning, absolutely amazing, and it made me cry! One of the things that happens at our church when a person gets baptised is that after they have been dunked in the water people pray for them publicly, or bring bible verses they believe god wants to speak to that person through, or pictures, visions, or other "words" from Father God. It's an incredible time as you listen to what God has in store for these people. 
I sat there and I cried, because I realised that another big thing about small groups, whether that be an organised group within your church, or whether it be just a group of people that you gather together yourself, is that you are able to speak into each others lives. 


 Before we left the group we were in before, the group that we were leading and needed to take a break from, that was one of the things we used to do a lot of, praying for each other and speaking into each others lives, what we believed Father God was saying and showing to us. 


 Dana explains it this way:" This does not mean that need to let all 1,600 members of my home church in on all my business all the time. It does mean that I have gathered around myself a few groups of people who know me and in spite of that, love me; whose counsel and advice I trust and cherish and most importantly; who love the Lord and want for all of us to be more like Him. It is these people that I can trust to honestly evaluate my words and my behaviours as Christ's ambassador. It is these people that I can trust to hold me up with Truth and not stroke my ears with pretty words. It is these people who sharpen me as I strive to live in community with people who are sometimes very unlike me." 


 So yes, those aren't just nice, sweet, "God wants to bless you with THIS . . . " type words. It was also a time where we were able to be honest with each other, where we were able to get a spiritual kick in the pants from people we trusted as we were honest with them and they were honest with us. 


 BUT that was the realisation of Sunday morning, that I am also missing out on the opportunity to have others whom I know and trust spiritually, speak into my life, and to do the same in return. 


 And all along I have known that WE ARE A PEOPLE WHO ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS, and women, even more so than men, we are made with this capacity to love and to share, and when that is not used, is not filled, we have a hole, something is missing. 


Yes, I DO have relationships online, that other people in the church might not have, but over the last few months, those have changed, those have drifted, and are not the same as they once were. So here I am. Totally acknowledging and agreeing with what Dana wrote. STILL desperate to be in close relationship with a small group of people. Willing to work on creating that for ourselves, (I have worked on getting the "visitor" areas of our home suitable for visitors over the past few weeks and discussed with hubby last night who we might invite for dinner over the coming weeks), but not really knowing where to start. 


I'll finish with a final quote from Dana's post: "We spend a great deal of time focusing on the fluffy, friendly part of our Christian relationships and while we do so, we rob ourselves of one of our most valuable earthly assets. Accountability among believers is not always comfortable, easy or fun, but it is certainly one of the most loving things we can do for each other. Building a person up doesn't merely consist of words that puff up and make us feel good. It includes cutting out the weaker parts so that the entire structure is more sound. It is sometimes painful, heartbreaking, backbreaking work. Who better to entrust it to than those whose hearts are grafted with our own into the heart of the Giver of Life?"

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Advent Anticipation

Referring to Luke 2:21-40


I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like for Anna.  To have waited and waited and waited for God to show up.  Always waiting, staying faithful, never giving up, day after day after day.


And THIS day, when it started, probably seemed like every other day.  I wonder when she realised.  Was it the very moment Mary and Joseph entered the Temple, even though she couldn't see them yet?  Was it not until she caught sight of them or did it take a while of watching the family not yet understanding what it was that was stirring in her soul?


Whatever or however it came, that moment of realisation did come.
"This is it" the Holy Spirit whispered in her ear, "THAT child, He is the one you've been waiting for" and then He nudged her until she walked across and approached the family.


Waiting was over, anticipation was done, her joy was complete.  The Saviour had come!

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Repost about Journaling

First posted this some years ago when I was struggling wtih getting back into journaling.  I think I am there again.  Thankfully my tail bone isn't an issue anymore, although I now have new health issues that can be uncomfortable in other ways.  All the emotional stuff still applies, I think.


I have been journaling on and off for quite a few years now.  It helps me sort out my thoughts, hear what I am really feeling and even hear God's response.  When I read the chapter about journal writing in "Fresh Brewed Life", I just sat there saying "YES!", "YES!", "YES!"

Lately, however, for a good number of months, I have not been journaling.  Why?  It's not that I don't have time because I do, I sit here at the computer desk for hours a day, a lot of it doing nothing much of anything, and I could use that time or journaling.  There is time.  Part of it has been space and place.  I used to journal curled up in the corner of the sofa, but since I fell and broke my tail bone last March, that just hasn't been possible.  I have tried, but I can only get comfortable for about 15 minutes or so and then I have to shift position, and then again and then . . . .  well, you get the picture.  But again that is only part of it.

So what is stopping me journaling, what is stopping me writing down my thoughts and feelings, what is stopping me seeking God's response on those things, as I write?  You know, over the last couple of days I think I have come up with an answer.

I'm scared!
Scared of what I might find out about myself.  Scared of what I might find out about other people.  Journaling changes things, journaling changes me, changes how I see me, changes how I see others, and therefore changes how I see them.  So am I scared to let go off some stuff that I hold close to my heart, scared to believe that "those people" are really not whatever label I have put upon them?  Am I just scared that I will have to admit to myself that I'm not all I pretend to be? I think I'm also scared that once I open this up, I won't be able to stop, that I'll be taking the lid off stuff and that I won't be able to get the lid back on it again.  There is also the possibility that i will discover that people are negative towards me, rather than at the moment me convincing myself "well, I know I think it's that way but it's me being hormonal, it can't really be like that, can it"  Do you understand what I mean?  Can I risk that?  But what about the possibility that I discover that I am actually MORE than I pretend to be, what about the possibility that I discover that there are things I can easily do to change the way I feel and think for the better?

Those of you who do journal, help me here!

How do I get back into this, what can I do to get started again?
What do you do if something comes up in your journaling, emotionally and you don't have time to finish dealing with it in that session of journaling?

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Does Someone Need to Read This as we Start a new Year?

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From "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge
I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough AS A WOMAN. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying gut feeling of failing at who she IS.
I AM NOT ENOUGH, and I AM TOO MUCH at the same time, Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is SHAME, the universal companion of most women.
----------------------------------------


Back to me:
The two greatest fears of a woman's heart, "I am not enough" and "I am too much".

How closely does this relate to our struggles with weight.
Society, doctors, and the enemy of our hearts tells us that we are
Too fat
too big
too greedy
too lazy
TOO MUCH!

Not thin enough
not pretty enough
not disciplined enough
not beautiful enough
don't exercise enough
don't move enough
don't care enough
NOT ENOUGH!

And the truth?
The truth is we are LOVED, we are ENOUGH, and we are NOT too much.
We are loved by a heavenly father who cannot love us even the tiniest bit more than He does right now, nor can he love us the tiniest bit less than He does right now. It is not possible because He IS love.
In Him we ARE enough, we are enough for Him, and that big long list of things that society, family, friends, governments, churches, tell us we SHOULD be doing, are very often not on His list of what he longs for us to be doing, those things that keep us busy, too busy to focus on ourselves in a right way, too busy to focus on Him. And His heart breaks to see what we have done to ourselves.

He is not angry with us because of what we have done to our bodies with weight, he is heartbroken by it. And there is no guilt that he puts on us with that. He understands totally the situations, events, emotions that brought us to this place and he longs for us to turn from those behaviours and start to live in a way that loves our bodies again.

He is not standing, with a big stick waiting to punish us for being overweight or obese.
He is standing, waiting for us to run to Him, pour out all our troubles and emotions at his feet, where he can pick us up, set us on the right track and encourage us and love us.

IN HIM we are ENOUGH and we are NOT too much.

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A People MADE for Relationship

This piece was written in April 2009 in response to something written by my friend Dana.  In that post she talks about the fact that we as Christians are all called to live in community, not just so we can impact the world, but for own betterment.
Things have changed for us since then and not only are we now in a small group again but we are leading it.  I think all of this still stands:


I quote:
" As much as God works in us to transform us from the inside out, He gave us something more to refine us. He gave us each other. The community of Christ is meant to be a tool not only as the hands and feet of Christ to the world, but for the betterment of each other through shared lives, shared work, shared struggles and shared encouragement."

She obviously had no idea how timely this post would be for me.
I have really been struggling with the whole relationships issue over recent months.
Because of various things that happened, hubby and I found ourselves still in the same church but not in a small group. We do go to a soaking group most weeks, but lets be honest, that involves maybe 15 - 20 minutes of relationship building and then the rest of the night is spent sleeping, (well not necessarily sleeping, but it's interaction direct with Father rather than with each other). I LOVE soaking, I adore it, but I need something more. I need relationship.
I am not blaming anyone at our church for the situation in which we find ourselves, it is not down to people, it is down to circumstances that have arisen.

Over the last couple of months I have begun to understand and to formulate in my head why this is so important to me, and why I am feeling so lost without it.
I had already come to the realisation that a big part of it was about encouragement. I know one of the things I am called to do is to encourage people, I LOVE doing it, but unless you know people, unless you're aware of what's going on in their lives, that becomes a difficult thing to do well. I also was aware that I NEED encouragement. When I am facing struggles, when I am facing challenges, doubts, issues of sin even, I need encouragement, I need someone who sees what is happening in my life and says "Come on, you CAN DO IT!"

Then, on Sunday morning, before I read Dana's post, I came to a further realisation about my need for relationship.
On Sunday, we had baptisms. 5 people making that public declaration of their relationship with Jesus! AWESOME morning, absolutely amazing, and it made me cry! One of the things that happens at our church when a person gets baptised is that after they have been dunked in the water people pray for them publicly, or bring bible verses they believe god wants to speak to that person through, or pictures, visions, or other "words" from Father God. It's an incredible time as you listen to what God has in store for these people.
I sat there and I cried, because I realised that another big thing about small groups, whether that be an organised group within your church, or whether it be just a group of people that you gather together yourself, is that you are able to speak into each others lives.

Before we left the group we were in before, the group that we were leading and needed to take a break from, that was one of the things we used to do a lot of, praying for each other and speaking into each others lives, what we believed Father God was saying and showing to us.

Dana explains it this way:
" This does not mean that need to let all 1,600 members of my home church in on all my business all the time. It does mean that I have gathered around myself a few groups of people who know me and in spite of that, love me; whose counsel and advice I trust and cherish and most importantly; who love the Lord and want for all of us to be more like Him. It is these people that I can trust to honestly evaluate my words and my behaviours as Christ's ambassador. It is these people that I can trust to hold me up with Truth and not stroke my ears with pretty words. It is these people who sharpen me as I strive to live in community with people who are sometimes very unlike me."

So yes, those aren't just nice, sweet, "God wants to bless you with THIS . . . " type words. It was also a time where we were able to be honest with each other, where we were able to get a spiritual kick in the pants from people we trusted as we were honest with them and they were honest with us.

BUT that was the realisation of Sunday morning, that I am also missing out on the opportunity to have others whom I know and trust spiritually, speak into my life, and to do the same in return.

And all along I have known that WE ARE A PEOPLE WHO ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS, and women, even more so than men, we are made with this capacity to love and to share, and when that is not used, is not filled, we have a hole, something is missing.

And yes, I DO have relationships online, that other people in the church might not have, but over the last few months, those have changed, those have drifted, and are not the same as they once were. So here I am. Totally acknowledging and agreeing with what Dana wrote. STILL desperate to be in close relationship with a small group of people. Willing to work on creating that for ourselves, (I have worked on getting the "visitor" areas of our home suitable for visitors over the past few weeks and discussed with hubby last night who we might invite for dinner over the coming weeks), but not really knowing where to start.

I'll finish with a final quote from Dana's post:
"We spend a great deal of time focusing on the fluffy, friendly part of our Christian relationships and while we do so, we rob ourselves of one of our most valuable earthly assets. Accountability among believers is not always comfortable, easy or fun, but it is certainly one of the most loving things we can do for each other. Building a person up doesn't merely consist of words that puff up and make us feel good. It includes cutting out the weaker parts so that the entire structure is more sound. It is sometimes painful, heartbreaking, backbreaking work. Who better to entrust it to than those whose hearts are grafted with our own into the heart of the Giver of Life?"

Read More