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This article was written in April 2009 in response to something written by my friend Dana. In that post she talked about the fact that we as Christians are all called to live in community, not just so we can impact the world, but for own betterment. Things have changed for me since this post was written and not only are my husband and I now in a small group again but we are leading it, and other situations mentioned have also changed, relationships are stronger in some ways. However I think the main point of this article still stands, We are a People Made For Relationship:
I quote: " As much as God works in us to transform us from the inside out, He gave us something more to refine us. He gave us each other. The community of Christ is meant to be a tool not only as the hands and feet of Christ to the world, but for the betterment of each other through shared lives, shared work, shared struggles and shared encouragement."
She obviously had no idea how timely this post would be for me.
I have really been struggling with the whole relationships issue over recent months.
Because of various things that happened, hubby and I found ourselves still in the same church but not in a small group. We do go to a soaking group most weeks, but lets be honest, that involves maybe 15 - 20 minutes of relationship building and then the rest of the night is spent sleeping, (well not necessarily sleeping, but it's interaction direct with Father rather than with each other). I LOVE soaking, I adore it, but I need something more. I need relationship.
I am not blaming anyone at our church for the situation in which we find ourselves, it is not down to people, it is down to circumstances that have arisen.
Over the last couple of months I have begun to understand and to formulate in my head why this is so important to me, and why I am feeling so lost without it. I had already come to the realisation that a big part of it was about encouragement. I know one of the things I am called to do is to encourage people, I LOVE doing it, but unless you know people, unless you're aware of what's going on in their lives, that becomes a difficult thing to do well. I also was aware that I NEED encouragement. When I am facing struggles, when I am facing challenges, doubts, issues of sin even, I need encouragement, I need someone who sees what is happening in my life and says "Come on, you CAN DO IT!"
Then, on Sunday morning, before I read Dana's post, I came to a further realisation about my need for relationship.
On Sunday, we had baptisms. 5 people making that public declaration of their relationship with Jesus! AWESOME morning, absolutely amazing, and it made me cry! One of the things that happens at our church when a person gets baptised is that after they have been dunked in the water people pray for them publicly, or bring bible verses they believe god wants to speak to that person through, or pictures, visions, or other "words" from Father God. It's an incredible time as you listen to what God has in store for these people.
I sat there and I cried, because I realised that another big thing about small groups, whether that be an organised group within your church, or whether it be just a group of people that you gather together yourself, is that you are able to speak into each others lives.
Before we left the group we were in before, the group that we were leading and needed to take a break from, that was one of the things we used to do a lot of, praying for each other and speaking into each others lives, what we believed Father God was saying and showing to us.
Dana explains it this way:" This does not mean that need to let all 1,600 members of my home church in on all my business all the time. It does mean that I have gathered around myself a few groups of people who know me and in spite of that, love me; whose counsel and advice I trust and cherish and most importantly; who love the Lord and want for all of us to be more like Him. It is these people that I can trust to honestly evaluate my words and my behaviours as Christ's ambassador. It is these people that I can trust to hold me up with Truth and not stroke my ears with pretty words. It is these people who sharpen me as I strive to live in community with people who are sometimes very unlike me."
So yes, those aren't just nice, sweet, "God wants to bless you with THIS . . . " type words. It was also a time where we were able to be honest with each other, where we were able to get a spiritual kick in the pants from people we trusted as we were honest with them and they were honest with us.
BUT that was the realisation of Sunday morning, that I am also missing out on the opportunity to have others whom I know and trust spiritually, speak into my life, and to do the same in return.
And all along I have known that WE ARE A PEOPLE WHO ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS, and women, even more so than men, we are made with this capacity to love and to share, and when that is not used, is not filled, we have a hole, something is missing.
Yes, I DO have relationships online, that other people in the church might not have, but over the last few months, those have changed, those have drifted, and are not the same as they once were. So here I am. Totally acknowledging and agreeing with what Dana wrote. STILL desperate to be in close relationship with a small group of people. Willing to work on creating that for ourselves, (I have worked on getting the "visitor" areas of our home suitable for visitors over the past few weeks and discussed with hubby last night who we might invite for dinner over the coming weeks), but not really knowing where to start.
I'll finish with a final quote from Dana's post: "We spend a great deal of time focusing on the fluffy, friendly part of our Christian relationships and while we do so, we rob ourselves of one of our most valuable earthly assets. Accountability among believers is not always comfortable, easy or fun, but it is certainly one of the most loving things we can do for each other. Building a person up doesn't merely consist of words that puff up and make us feel good. It includes cutting out the weaker parts so that the entire structure is more sound. It is sometimes painful, heartbreaking, backbreaking work. Who better to entrust it to than those whose hearts are grafted with our own into the heart of the Giver of Life?"
I quote: " As much as God works in us to transform us from the inside out, He gave us something more to refine us. He gave us each other. The community of Christ is meant to be a tool not only as the hands and feet of Christ to the world, but for the betterment of each other through shared lives, shared work, shared struggles and shared encouragement."
She obviously had no idea how timely this post would be for me.
I have really been struggling with the whole relationships issue over recent months.
Because of various things that happened, hubby and I found ourselves still in the same church but not in a small group. We do go to a soaking group most weeks, but lets be honest, that involves maybe 15 - 20 minutes of relationship building and then the rest of the night is spent sleeping, (well not necessarily sleeping, but it's interaction direct with Father rather than with each other). I LOVE soaking, I adore it, but I need something more. I need relationship.
I am not blaming anyone at our church for the situation in which we find ourselves, it is not down to people, it is down to circumstances that have arisen.
Over the last couple of months I have begun to understand and to formulate in my head why this is so important to me, and why I am feeling so lost without it. I had already come to the realisation that a big part of it was about encouragement. I know one of the things I am called to do is to encourage people, I LOVE doing it, but unless you know people, unless you're aware of what's going on in their lives, that becomes a difficult thing to do well. I also was aware that I NEED encouragement. When I am facing struggles, when I am facing challenges, doubts, issues of sin even, I need encouragement, I need someone who sees what is happening in my life and says "Come on, you CAN DO IT!"
Then, on Sunday morning, before I read Dana's post, I came to a further realisation about my need for relationship.
On Sunday, we had baptisms. 5 people making that public declaration of their relationship with Jesus! AWESOME morning, absolutely amazing, and it made me cry! One of the things that happens at our church when a person gets baptised is that after they have been dunked in the water people pray for them publicly, or bring bible verses they believe god wants to speak to that person through, or pictures, visions, or other "words" from Father God. It's an incredible time as you listen to what God has in store for these people.
I sat there and I cried, because I realised that another big thing about small groups, whether that be an organised group within your church, or whether it be just a group of people that you gather together yourself, is that you are able to speak into each others lives.
Before we left the group we were in before, the group that we were leading and needed to take a break from, that was one of the things we used to do a lot of, praying for each other and speaking into each others lives, what we believed Father God was saying and showing to us.
Dana explains it this way:" This does not mean that need to let all 1,600 members of my home church in on all my business all the time. It does mean that I have gathered around myself a few groups of people who know me and in spite of that, love me; whose counsel and advice I trust and cherish and most importantly; who love the Lord and want for all of us to be more like Him. It is these people that I can trust to honestly evaluate my words and my behaviours as Christ's ambassador. It is these people that I can trust to hold me up with Truth and not stroke my ears with pretty words. It is these people who sharpen me as I strive to live in community with people who are sometimes very unlike me."
So yes, those aren't just nice, sweet, "God wants to bless you with THIS . . . " type words. It was also a time where we were able to be honest with each other, where we were able to get a spiritual kick in the pants from people we trusted as we were honest with them and they were honest with us.
BUT that was the realisation of Sunday morning, that I am also missing out on the opportunity to have others whom I know and trust spiritually, speak into my life, and to do the same in return.
And all along I have known that WE ARE A PEOPLE WHO ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS, and women, even more so than men, we are made with this capacity to love and to share, and when that is not used, is not filled, we have a hole, something is missing.
Yes, I DO have relationships online, that other people in the church might not have, but over the last few months, those have changed, those have drifted, and are not the same as they once were. So here I am. Totally acknowledging and agreeing with what Dana wrote. STILL desperate to be in close relationship with a small group of people. Willing to work on creating that for ourselves, (I have worked on getting the "visitor" areas of our home suitable for visitors over the past few weeks and discussed with hubby last night who we might invite for dinner over the coming weeks), but not really knowing where to start.
I'll finish with a final quote from Dana's post: "We spend a great deal of time focusing on the fluffy, friendly part of our Christian relationships and while we do so, we rob ourselves of one of our most valuable earthly assets. Accountability among believers is not always comfortable, easy or fun, but it is certainly one of the most loving things we can do for each other. Building a person up doesn't merely consist of words that puff up and make us feel good. It includes cutting out the weaker parts so that the entire structure is more sound. It is sometimes painful, heartbreaking, backbreaking work. Who better to entrust it to than those whose hearts are grafted with our own into the heart of the Giver of Life?"
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